just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I want her autograph on my taint
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
