"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
