neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
her facebook's as public as her vagina
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
