Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
