Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
my shit smells like andre
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Everclear isn't food dammit
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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