Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
