I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
