Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
