you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My feet surprised me
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
