i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
