I'm gonna have a badass scar
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
