i'm signing you up for texting rehab
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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