nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
