Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
