I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
