my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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