You really coming over, don't trick.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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