i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
