I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
