apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
