Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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