Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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