What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
