areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
