we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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