covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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