Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
