what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
