just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
