I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
