Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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