I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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