oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
