i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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