I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
