i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
