So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
