youre lurking in front of me
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
