some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
