people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
