I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
