she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm going to jail i love you
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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