I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
