He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
