Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
