If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
