don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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