he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
