i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
