you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
