Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
