Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
